Playing with my boys

Playing with my boys
They keep life interesting :-)

Thursday, October 17, 2013

The Family Bed

I've always been adamantly opposed to the whole concept of a "family bed" in my house.  Many of my friends co-sleep, it works for them and that's all that matters. I just wanted no part of it.  I like my space, and I like the seperation for 8-12 hours of peaceful slumber :-) 

My kids now refuse to sleep in my bed.  Even when he is sick and vomiting every 15 minutes, Aidan insists on sleeping in his own bed.  Its just what he's used to...its his bed.  I would love to eliminate some sheet changes in those rare incidents, but otherwise, I am really glad my kids have developed such strong sleeping habits.  And that my bed is my own. 

I've been sick lately.  A lot.  Hubs still has to go to the office, and I somehow have to manage being Super Mom.   Well, given the "norm" as of late, the definition of Super Mom has expanded to include hours of PBS cartoons from the comfort of Mommy's bed while I hide under the covers and plead with God to give me the strength to get up and carry on despite how ill I've felt.  The kids lay around my cocoon of blankets and laugh and squeal as they watch George get into trouble, take a stroll down Sesame Street, learn new words from a talking dog, and ask lots of questions just like Sid.  Its a beautiful thing that they give me this time to try and "feel better" before getting them breakfast.  And when I'm able to enjoy the snuggles and giggles, our morning cartoons under my covers will be my favorite part of the day.

So, it seems in the end, we have a family bed afterall ;-)

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Imagining the Unimaginable

Nothing makes my heart beat faster than when I imagine being separated from my children...permanently.  Death scares the crap out of me.  Obviously there's the whole "What will it be like to die?  What will I feel?" and other such things that can't possibly be answered that cause me a great deal of anxiety...but those things pale in comparison to the anxiety I get when I think about not being here for my children.  Who's going to take care of them?  No one could POSSIBLY care for them the same as I would.  No one could EVER love them as I do.  Will they be OK?  Will they know how much I love them?  Will they....gasp...remember me?!?  

Tonight as we were putting the kids to bed, I was holding Aidan and squeezing him saying "I can't believe how big you're getting!  You're going to be all grown up soon!"  

Then this happened:

Aidan looks up at me and says "Then I won't need you anymore...?"

"Well, I hope you'll always need me."

"When I am grown up, where will you be?"

"I'll be right here, for as long as I possibly can be!"

"Then God will take you away?" (as his voice gets quiet and his eyes get sad...)

<<gulp>>  "Not for a long, long time baby...I'm hoping to be here for a long, long time."

Then he walked over to his daddy and said "I hope God doesn't take you away for a long time."

My eyes welled up, I had a pit in my stomach, my voice felt like it would crack if I tried to speak, and my heart was racing.  I just can't handle imagining the unimaginable.  And I can't handle my sweet little boy doing it either.  Ugh...nothing prepares you for a conversation like that with your 3 year old son.  

This parenting thing is not for a weak.