I saw this on Facebook. It was written by a Pre-School Teacher. Its perfect.
I was on a parenting
bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4
1/2 year old did not know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked.
Most of the
answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the
things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last
name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already
knew, some who were only three. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age
should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and
not to worry.
It bothered me greatly to see these mothers
responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the
things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such a competitive
culture that even our pre-schoolers have become trophies and bragging rights.
Childhood shouldn’t be a race.
So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old
should know.
She should know that she is loved wholly and
unconditionally, all of the time.
He should know that he is safe and he should know
how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations.
He
should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has
to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should
know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.
She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy
and use her imagination.
She should know that it is always okay to paint the
sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
He should know his own interests and be encouraged
to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents
should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse
himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.
She should know that the world is magical and that
so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative,
compassionate and marvellous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend
the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to
practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.
But more important, here’s what parents need to
know.
That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do
algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks,
talks, reads or does algebra.
That the single biggest predictor of high academic
achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not
workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad
taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful
books.
That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in
class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in
trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as
multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give
our children is a simple, carefree childhood.
That our children deserve to be surrounded by
books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could
get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some
things are important– building toys like lego and blocks, creative toys like
all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and
multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally,
much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have
the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried
beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make
messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we
make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where
it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.
That our children need more of us. We have become
so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have
used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes,
we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an
occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting
magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and
scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay! Our children
don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play
groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers
who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with
them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with
them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a
toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it
takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that
they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.
